New fuss over old wedding traditions
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by Gobinder Gill |
Columns
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Ten or 15 years ago, marriages in the Indo-Canadian community were conducted in a very simple and straightforward manner.
The families and friends of the bride and groom would gather in a temple where the ceremonies were carried out. During the evening a reception, everyone enjoyed plenty of good food, laughter and a blend of Indian and English music.
Besides wedding gifts from families and friends, no dowry was given by the young woman's family nor was one expected by the relatives of the young man.
These days, old-fashioned customs - probably not even practised in many parts of India - are being revived, which adds economic pressure as well as further burdens to the families.
A simple wedding in the early '80s cost about $7,000. But now, with resurrected Indian traditions, the cost now runs between $50,000 to $150,000.
Some argue that restoring past traditions are good for the culture, particularly the youth who may not otherwise be exposed to the traditions of a Sikh Punjabi marriage. Others feel the neo-traditionalism is about greed and power.
Whatever the motive, I was present for the more lavish '90s wedding when I recently had a chance to witness, as well as participate in, some of the traditions in a male cousin's wedding.
Bringing back some of the past traditions can be contributed to middle-aged women, often close relatives of the groom or bride's family who insist certain elements must be carried out in a particular fashion.
It is a known fact that the young woman's side of the family is the one who often endures much of the expensive and rituals. But from personal experience, I know that the young man's side becomes obligated to fulfill certain rituals and spend thousands of dollars more than anticipated.
At this particular wedding, under pressure, my cousin's single mother was obliged to give gifts to each and every family member and relative including family friends. The ladies received bulk fabric for Punjabi dress and male members received shirts and a pair of pants. Extra sweets had to be ordered at the last moment because some of the women felt everyone should receive a second package, even though usually one is appropriate.
Then, a day prior to the wedding, a tradition called "Jaggo" was celebrated. This hearkens back to a tradition in Indian villages when a huge vase type pot is carried on top of women's head. The container is lit with candles and all the women dance and sing as they trek through the village streets.
My cousin's mother kindly requested that everyone should stay within the premises of her large front and back yard, so as not to upset the neighbors. The women refused and instead marched down the street at 10 p.m. as the curious neighbors peeked through their windows with astonishment.
Minutes before the bride was to come home following the marriage ceremony, these same women insisted that seven leaves of some plant that does not grow in Canada be obtained, to be tied together in a bunch and used to stir sugar in milk. The beverage is given to the couple prior to their entering the house.
One woman boldly stated that without these branches, the couple could not enter the house. As the bride and groom calmly sat in a car in the driveway, we managed to convince this lady to use seven branches from an indoor fig tree.
No one knows for certain why these middle-aged women put pressure on families but a few have some good theories.
"They know due to respect, no family member will challenge them," says one elderly woman who prefers to stay anonymous. "Finally they can be in charge."
It may come down to simple retribution. When these women were married off by their parents, the elders made all the decisions. Their westernized children may have little regard for such traditions, and that may cause these women to feel threatened.
